Imagine being startled awake three times beginning at 5 a.m. by your daughter's apnea monitor. The blinking red light and the screaming siren say "slow heart".
Imagine looking at your precious baby and seeing a horrified look on her face, purple, and no movement at all.
Imagine scooping up that precious girl into your arms, crying, and screaming at the top of your lungs, "Oh, God, please don't let her leave me!!"
You have just experienced my morning, April 6, 2000, the scariest morning of my life, thus far.
Carleigh was taken by ambulance to the hospital at about 9 a.m., Central Time. She had blood drawn and a chest x-ray. The ER doctor cannot tell us why our daughter's heart insists on beating slowly. Her three alarms in the early a.m. meant that her heartrate had dropped below 80, which is low for a baby her age. After that, I freaked out and set her apnea monitor to alarm when she drops below 100. She has alarmed at least 7 times today on that setting.
We were released from the ER at about noon and went to eat before our promised trip to the pediatrician at 1:30. Carleigh was checked out there and sent back to be admitted to the hospital. She has lost 6 ozs. since last Tuesday, and now we have to make a decision about the dreaded g-tube. We also still have to talk to the ENT about her laryngomalacia. Though they still cannot tell us why her heart is slow, they feel it could be connected to her breathing problems.
All I know is that one Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be able to sleep tonight. John is at the hospital with Carleigh and I am home with B. I am so scared something will "happen" while I'm not there, but I know that our son needs his mommy too. It's very hard to be two places at once and to choose where to be.
I talked to John once and Carleigh had alarmed again. Three nurses came in to "bag" her to help her breathe, but ended up not having to. The bag is still in her room. She has also just received an IV.
Tomorrow she will do a Barium Swallow Test to determine if she has reflux and how bad it is. If she has to have surgery for the reflux, it takes about an hour. Surgery for the g-tube is 10 minutes, but she would still have to have general anesthesia.
Please pray for Carleigh. Please pray harder than ever before. We know that she is in God's hands and that He has been so gracious to us. But still I find myself not ready to give up my daughter. I do not want her to suffer or be in pain. I am hoping that this is something that can be fixed easily, but with no one knowing what is wrong with her heart, I don't see how.
Please pray that God will give us the answers. Should we put her through surgery or not?
There has been a song running through my head all day long. I have been singing it to my sweet Carleigh. It is by Leann Rimes and these are a few of the words:
How do I, get through one night without you,
If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?
Oh, I, Baby, I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you, if you ever leave,
Baby, you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you, I want to know
How do I breathe without you, if you ever go
How would I ever, ever survive?
How do I, oh, how do I live?
Again, please pray for Baby Carleigh.
Thank you,
Andrea. (Carleigh's Mommy)
The Life of An Angel: Carleigh Lauryn Grace