Things have been the same. Carleigh just moving around like crazy! (Just as I expect her to!) :o) I figured I should get a new entry in here since we have so many people following our story, but there just isn't much new to tell. Since we are not having any more tests, we aren't going to find out any news. I consider her moving every day news though. Each day we make it is a day longer than what the doctors believe. I am getting more and more confidence each day. Many people who know me can't believe I have been so positive about all this. What else can I do? It's so much better for my health to be positive. It is better for Carleigh's health too. She can tell when I am upset and she gets upset too. When that happens, she won't move - which freaks me out even more!

Carleigh and I have a special bond already. She greets me with a kick each day, no particular time, but usually in the morning. I tell her "Good Morning, Carleigh," and "Thanks for letting Mommy know you're ok." I had two weeks less morning sickness with Carleigh than I did with her brother. (18 weeks instead of 20) The amazing thing is that I feel great EVERY day now. If I didn't know better, I would say this is the most normal pregnancy I've had. I go to the doctor again on Monday. We'll get to listen to her heartbeat again. That magical sound... I can't wait!

More time has passed and we love this little girl inside of me more and more each day. She has been a little angel, moving numerous times each day, letting us know that she is still with us. I find myself crying at times, wondering what is really going to happen, but then my belief in miracles seems to get me under control. I try not to think of the "bad stuff" and just concentrate on the good things that are happening.

I visited a website for a Trisomy 18 baby. It was a very sad story because the baby only lived 9 weeks and 2 days, but I learned something there. Something that gives me more hope for Carleigh. The little girl is Susanna. Her mom said that in utero, the doctors found by ultrasound that Susanna had choroid plexus cysts, nuchal thickening, a 2 vessel cord, clenched hands, and rockerbottom feet.

Our doctors have not mentioned these things in Carleigh! In fact, Carleigh showed us on every ultrasound that she CAN open and close her hands! Maybe I'm grasping at straws, who knows? Only time will tell. We look for signs every day. I told John that anything can be a sign, depending on how we look at it. We found a penny on the ground a couple weeks ago. It was "heads up". I picked it up to look at the date - 1999 - the year our baby will arrive. No big deal for most people, but to us, it's Carleigh's Lucky Penny.

We had also been looking for a pink hat for her to wear home from the hospital since she's due in November and our Novembers can be chilly. John and I searched and searched with no luck. It wasn't long till Mom came home with that pink hat that we had been looking so hard for. It was mixed in with all white hats, the only pink one in the whole store. Mom almost didn't buy it, but she said that something wouldn't let her leave the store without it. So now we have it, the whole "coming home" ensemble: a pink and white Peter Rabbit outfit, pink socks, soft pink and white tennis shoes, and finally, the pink hat. Now all we need is our very much loved Carleigh to wear it. She will be beautiful, I just know it!

Well, it's been three days... Three wonderful days. Each day has been an issue. Will she move? Is she ok? My beautiful Carleigh has made me very happy. She has been very active and has let me know that she's still holding on. She is still the most important member of "the team". Each day that I spend with my daughter blossoming in my tummy is more wonderful than the next. Each day gets me one day closer to finally meeting her, holding her, and whispering how much I love her.

Carleigh is "jammin" today. I hooked up the headset, put Linda Rondstadt's "Dedicated to the One I Love" cd in the cd player, and let Carleigh listen. I really think she can hear the music. She was very calm. Before long, she started kicking me. I looked and the cd had finished. As soon as John pressed "play" again, she was calm. I've heard that music makes babies grow. I know it will work for us!

Well, the bomb has been dropped! My OB doctor told us that our daughter has Trisomy 18, which means she has three of chromosome 18, rather than two. The doctor told us that is incompatible with life. She painted us a dismal picture of our daughter's life. She will most likely be stillborn. It is possible that she will be born live and live a few hours, days, months, or maybe even a year. Or we could defy the odds and her live longer. (There is a 90% chance that she will die before age 1.)

We have discussed it with each other and our families. It is a unanimous decision to treat this as a normal pregnancy. No more specialists, no more tests, just us and Carleigh - fighting for a miracle. We decided that any time with her, no matter how long or short, is better than none at all. I know this may sound a bit selfish on our part, but John and I would never be able to live with ourselves if we terminated this pregnancy. Living with "what might have been" would kill us.

I heard from the perinatologist at about 6:30 p.m. He told me there is a chromosome abnormality with the baby. We see my OB doctor tomorrow to find out more, but I know that this means no fetal surgery for us.