We've been to the doctor again and there is NOTHING new! I was sure I had dilated more, with the cramps I have in the middle of the night - but I guess not! Carleigh's heartbeat was 154 and we forgot to ask what my stomach measurement is. She has dropped REALLY low. We can tell because my stretch marks that are high on my stomach are not stretched tight anymore! I asked my doctor how far she would let me go over my due date. I know going very far over is not a good idea. She said if I didn't go into labor by my appointment next Thursday (which is also my due date!) she would check into the schedule for the next week. So I guess it's another week of waiting and wondering. I am not worried because I know she is just having more time to grow, but it makes me nervous wondering if my water will break, if I will have contractions, or how the whole process will start. I guess I'll just wait and see -
and during that time I'll enjoy all the little kicks that she has been sharing with me and I'll also spend more time at home enjoying my little guy.

Yes, we're STILL home! This child has a mind of her own!!! :o) Not that I'm complaining, because every day she stays put is another day to gain weight. I would love for her to be nice and "chunky" when she is born! :o) My friend, Deb, has been saying that she feels Thursday (tomorrow) is the day. Another friend, Jean Ann, wants it to be Friday, because that's her birthday! We'll see if either of them are right! Carleigh has still been really active. I think she is enjoying being home with her brother. If he lays beside me she gets SO excited! I know she can hear his voice and all of his jungle animal sounds. Sometimes I think he is so loud that he scares her! :o) I'll be back with an update after the doctor visit on Friday -- unless of course, she decides to arrive by then! B has a Halloween parade to be in on Saturday. Maybe she is going to let him have his fun before she makes her grand
entrance into this world!

We're still home! I think that Carleigh knows I have a lot to do, so she is waiting for me. It is very ironic that when I had to quit work to go on bedrest with B we were changing between the third and fourth quarters at school and I had grade cards to do. Well, now, we are changing between the first and second quarters, and once again, I have grade cards to do!!

I had a nice "private" shower on Saturday given by my fellow third grade teachers. They got some adorable clothes for Carleigh, a Baby's First Christmas ornament, a kit to make her handprints, and even got ME an outfit to sleep in!! They are so great and have been treating me like I am a member of each of their families. My mom ("Grams") went to the shower with me. She and "Grandad" got Carleigh some clothes too. They also got her a pink shawl/afghan and a snow baby ornament.

I always said I would never "pink" my daughter to death and when I open the door to her closet I can't help but laugh! PINK EVERYWHERE!! I honestly can't wait to see her in all that pink! B has learned so much since we found out about Carleigh. He's learned a lot of new words, especially "Carleigh", and of course, he definitely knows the color "pink"!! :o)

Well, the next time I write I may have a baby in my arms! :o) Little Miss Carleigh has decided that she just may not want to wait till November to arrive in this world! We are already seeing signs of her pending arrival. We called the doctor today and she said to call if I started bleeding or go to the hospital immediately if my water breaks. If things go like they did with B, my water will break in 2 days! So now the emotions really kick in. I am excited that she is almost here, but worried about how it will be "getting" her here, and then what will happen after she is here. I guess only time will tell and now is the time that we are talking to God the loudest. I know He will listen...

We're back from the doctor...again!! They couldn't get me in on Friday, so we went today. There was lots of new news today!! First of all, Carleigh's heartbeat was 152 - back to our good old "comfortable" spot! My doctor measured my stomach at 34, which I don't really think it got smaller, it's just the difference in people measuring. I'm not worrying about the measurement anymore. Why worry?? :o) And now the big one... I'm dilated to between 1 and 2!! This is a scary concept for me because we want Carleigh to wait until her due date. With B, I dilated to one and stopped. I was at one for a whole month with him. But I've passed that one mark, so I'm kind of nervous!! Anyway, Carleigh's bag is packed for the hospital. The punkin seat is going into the van IMMEDIATELY and we're going to be ready for anything. The doctor asked how B was delivered in relation to his due date and she told me not to expect this baby for another two weeks. I hope that is true... that way we'll make it all the way to the due date! Next appointment... October 29!!

We have just returned from another victorious trip to the doctor. We learned something interesting today. They have me as 37 weeks instead of 36, which would be right, since November 4, my original due date, is 3 weeks away. My stomach measurement was 35, which I wondered about because it didn't match my 37 weeks. The Nurse Practitioner told me that Carleigh had dropped and that would account for the smaller number. She has dropped WAY LOW, but she's not coming anytime in the near future. We were happy to know she's head down, but that I'm not dilated. We want her to stay in there as long as possible. :o) Her heart rate was 150. I was glad to see it back up in that 150-160 range. That 140 two weeks ago was almost too much for me!! We went shopping afterward and FINALLY found her dress for our family Christmas pictures. I have been looking for the perfect burgandy dress for months now. It will probably be too big, but I know she will look adorable! She and her daddy are wearing burgandy and B and I are wearing navy. A perfect family picture for our perfect family of four!

We're back from another trip to the doctor. My stomach growth is right where it should be - 34 for week 34! I got kind of scared when Lauren told us her heart rate. It was 140. Lauren said not to worry because it's in the normal range, and when I think about B's heart rate, it was everywhere between 142 and 180. But with the "possible" heart defect hovering over our heads, it scared me knowing her heart rate wasn't in that 152-160 range as it has always been. Optimistic Mommy isn't going to worry though. Carleigh keeps kicking me to remind me she is ok. We are sad that our favorite nurse, Lauren, won't be there to see us anymore. Actually, she is moving to the perinatologist's office. We promised we would visit her there. I think it would be very nice to take our perfect little girl to see our favorite nurse and the doctor who gives us nice ultrasound pictures! :o) My next appointment is Friday, October 15.

Carleigh is still doing great, but this has not been a week for good news. I found out yesterday that my Godfather has cancer. It was a very unexpected thing, although I guess cancer is always unexpected.

Then tonight I get online hoping to hear from a new friend about her baby. Melissa found Carleigh's site and emailed me because her own Erin has Trisomy 18. When we first met, Erin was about 4-5 weeks old, and doing well. In my email tonight though, sweet Erin had gotten sick all of a sudden and passed away on September 20. She was eight weeks old. Not exactly something I wanted to hear, but I am glad Melissa told me about it. She told me never to delay anything. She said make a list and check it off fast because you never know what tomorrow will bring. That is true anyway, whether or not you have a Trisomy baby. And even though you know that it can happen, you still aren't prepared when that day will come. Melissa, I know you will be reading this soon. We are thinking about you lots! Keep in touch!

On Friday, we visited the pediatrician. It was our prenatal visit to let her know what is happening with us and that we want her to be Carleigh's doctor. It was SO NICE finally visiting a doctor that was positive and on our side! Our pediatrician knows the seriousness of our daughter's condition, but she did not ever "harp" on the negative. She promised us that she will do everything that is necessary to help Carleigh. She also told us not ever to give up hope because we won't know exactly what we are dealing with until Carleigh is born. For the first time since all of this started, I walked out of a doctor's office with a smile on my face, rather than with tears in my eyes. Thanks, Dr. Floyd! :o)

We're back from the ultrasound. We didn't see exactly what we were hoping to see - hence the beautiful ultrasound picture and "Please be patient... God isn't finished with me yet" at the front gate.

We saw the Spina Bifida again. We were hoping it had "vanished", but it hadn't. We saw the sack on her back and can see that it is in the lumbar-sacral area. The perinatologist thinks 7 vertebrae are involved. (The original thought was 6.) We saw her brain, and though he didn't specifically say so, we believe that she does have hydrocephalus. Both feet appear to be clubbed, but this is the least thing to worry about. All of this information is what we already knew. We wanted him to look for more "defects". We were so excited to see her little hands open. I even was yelling "WOO-HOO!! Something good!!" (I think all the medical people involved got tickled at that one.)

They didn't find any of the other defects I had mentioned before... then came the scary part... the heart. During our ultrasound in July, her heart was too small to see. For this ultrasound, her heart was too big to see. He said there is a "possible" defect, but with the shadows from her rib cage, he cannot be sure. He said that 90% of Trisomy 18 babies do have heart defects. He will put it on my chart and that will alert the doctors to do a test once she is born. So, being the optimist I am, I choose to believe her heart is ok. Why worry about a problem when there might not even be one there? She is a bit shy of 3 pounds right now. The peri said that if my original due date (Nov. 4) was right, she is running 2 weeks behind on growth, which is right for the Trisomy 18. But, if the ultrasound due date (Nov. 15) is right, I believe she is on target. I guess we will have to wait and see how much she weighs when she is born.

So how do I feel about this? I am very happy that they didn't find more "markers". When they tell you that your baby won't live, what worse can they tell you? I went in expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I still believe in miracles. I have a beautiful profile picture of my little girl and she is just as beautiful as my little boy. As John said, "God is finished with her hands - she can open and close them." So, Everyone, please keep praying, and please be patient... God isn't finished with her yet!

We've been to the doctor for week 32! Carleigh's heartbeat was a beautiful 154, still in her normal range. My stomach measurement was 32. A 32 measurement for 32 weeks - perfect!! :o) I asked the doctor for an ultrasound. I know my jaw must have dropped to the floor because she didn't say "no", she didn't argue, she didn't downtalk my idea, or anything! She said, "Ok, let Lauren call the perinatologist and set up an appointment." I am scheduled for an ultrasound at 1:00 THIS Wednesday! I am going to have to change it though, to better accommodate our schedules, but I will update for sure after the ultrasound... Good or bad... we're praying for GOOD!!!

John and I have been talking and have decided to make some changes. We feel these changes will help Carleigh. We originally didn't want any more testing, because the doctors can't do anything, so why find out everything and worry about it? Well, now that we are within 9 weeks (yes, NINE weeks) of her arrival, we feel it's necessary to know about all of those things, so that we can prepare for her arrival. I go to the doctor on Monday. I am going to request another ultrasound. I want to know how much my baby weighs to compare her size to B's at this gestational age (Trisomy babies should be much smaller than what he was), I want to check her Spina Bifida and her head shape, and I want the doctors to look for Trisomy 18 "markers" - which would be defects that I have mentioned before, such as in Susanna's case.

If Carleigh has a heart defect, I want to know it so I can find her a good doctor. We want to give her the best start possible. I know another ultrasound is probably not going to be full of roses. John and I are prepared for the worst. We still believe in miracles and know that God will do what is best and we also know that the doctors might not tell us what we want to hear. It's something we need to know though. We heard another song that is our situation totally. I'll have the words up as soon as I get them. :o) I'll update again on Monday after I see the doctor.

Well, we've made it to the third trimester. I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and often wondered if I would ever make it this far. The third trimester is bringing me both happiness and fear. I am happy that I have Carleigh kicking me each day. Happy to be spending precious time with her. The scary part is wondering what is happening to her right now. I know that Spina Bifida does the most damage to a baby in the third trimester. I don't even want to think about what the Trisomy 18 is doing to her. Things are becoming a little more realistic for me now. I think of the bad things and the good things. I know that I need to be prepared for the bad things, but it's hard to believe anything is bad when she is acting normal now.

On a good note... I went to the doctor today. Little Miss Carleigh still has that steady 152 heartbeat. I was so relieved when Lauren found her heartbeat right from the start. I knew she was ok because she had been moving today, but there is always that element of fear. My weight gain and measurements are good also, so it appears to be a "normal" pregnancy. (I guess as normal as you can get with Trisomy 18!) Also, I did have a blood test today. Nothing to do with Carleigh, just me. I became anemic while pregnant with B. Since we aren't having tests, I fear being anemic and not knowing it, then going into labor with Carleigh. I want me to be as healthy as possible, so I can devote all my time to my little girl.

It's been a busy few weeks. I've been planning for school and today was the first day. Carleigh has been doing just fine. She is constantly kicking and moving around. She moved today, even though I was on my feet a lot! That really surprised me, as our son didn't move if I was on my feet all day.

Last night was wild. We were startled awake by the phone at 1 a.m. A major part of the business district of our town had caught fire. The call was to let us know that John's place of employment was one of the ones burning. We immediately panicked, got out of bed, got dressed, and went to check it out. Thankfully, the pharmacy WASN'T on fire and John still has a job. But 8 other people lost their businesses. It was a really sad time.

Life in a small town... One amazing thing about living in a small town is the sense of family. Everyone knows everyone and you have a real support system when times are hard.

Now the bad part... (you knew that was coming) THE RUMORS!!! I heard a good one today! "You know, it's so sad that this is happening to John and Andrea. The saddest part is that every baby they have after this one will be the same way. You knew that B being born healthy was a miracle, didn't you?"

HOLD IT!!!! Let me get a few things straight. I know that all of you believers know the truth. All of you have been to this site and know the facts. But here goes! (I'm in an uproar, can't you tell?!) First of all, any baby that we have after Carleigh will not have Trisomy. It is a random thing and any other woman has just as much chance of having a Trisomy baby as I do.

Second of all, ANY child who is born healthy, I consider to be a miracle. I mean, look what you start with. That little group of cells goes through dramatic changes to become a little baby. Lots of things could happen along the way. B did not have Trisomy because he was not the 1 in 8000 who got it. This is not something that John and I pass to our children, so no, all our "future" children are NOT destined to have Trisomy. B is a miracle to us. He is the son we always wanted. Carleigh is a miracle too. She is the daughter we always wanted. The miracle that we are praying for Carleigh is for the diagnosis by the doctors to be wrong. For her to not have complications that will take her life. For her to share her life with us...

John and I hit the ROOF when we heard this RUMOR. I just wanted to set the record straight...

A Precious Moments Friend of mine from Wyoming made a special page on her site for Carleigh. She has never met us, but wanted to do something special. That something special has turned into something very popular because in less than 48 hours there have been over 200 visitors to Carleigh's prayer page! Be sure to click on the link at Carleigh's Corner where the Precious Moments baby is. Thanks, Missy!! You brightened our day!!!

My magical girl came through for me with a nice steady 156! It was so funny because she was "running" from the Doppler! Then when the nurse would find her, she would kick and it would make a loud THUMP and the nurse would lose count! I just laughed and laughed. I thought it was pretty good for a kid who they think isn't going to live!

Lauren didn't have us today, so that was a downer. I got to talk to her after the visit though, and she was pleased that Carleigh was a nice 156!

I asked my doctor if there was any chance the amnio could be wrong. She just said, "It's not wrong." They tested 3 cells and all three had the characteristics of Trisomy. I just wonder... What if they would have tested 10? Or a different 3? I hope that I have that one sweet day when I can look at my doctor and say, "Remember on August 2....?"

I know she probably thinks I'm crazy. John said that was ok, though, because if we needed to be put in an institution for being crazy, then they would have to institutionalize a bunch of people with us! We appreciate all of you who believe with us. We appreciate all your support. I know I don't talk much about the "bad" things in here. I can accept the bad things, ONLY if they happen. Why worry now? I feel that my sweet girl wouldn't have made it with me this far if I were not so optimistic. Each day she is with us is a miracle, and we are looking forward to the day when she is born and we can keep achieving miracles day after day, week after week, and on and on forever! :o)

Things have been the same. Carleigh just moving around like crazy! (Just as I expect her to!) :o) I figured I should get a new entry in here since we have so many people following our story, but there just isn't much new to tell. Since we are not having any more tests, we aren't going to find out any news. I consider her moving every day news though. Each day we make it is a day longer than what the doctors believe. I am getting more and more confidence each day. Many people who know me can't believe I have been so positive about all this. What else can I do? It's so much better for my health to be positive. It is better for Carleigh's health too. She can tell when I am upset and she gets upset too. When that happens, she won't move - which freaks me out even more!

Carleigh and I have a special bond already. She greets me with a kick each day, no particular time, but usually in the morning. I tell her "Good Morning, Carleigh," and "Thanks for letting Mommy know you're ok." I had two weeks less morning sickness with Carleigh than I did with her brother. (18 weeks instead of 20) The amazing thing is that I feel great EVERY day now. If I didn't know better, I would say this is the most normal pregnancy I've had. I go to the doctor again on Monday. We'll get to listen to her heartbeat again. That magical sound... I can't wait!

More time has passed and we love this little girl inside of me more and more each day. She has been a little angel, moving numerous times each day, letting us know that she is still with us. I find myself crying at times, wondering what is really going to happen, but then my belief in miracles seems to get me under control. I try not to think of the "bad stuff" and just concentrate on the good things that are happening.

I visited a website for a Trisomy 18 baby. It was a very sad story because the baby only lived 9 weeks and 2 days, but I learned something there. Something that gives me more hope for Carleigh. The little girl is Susanna. Her mom said that in utero, the doctors found by ultrasound that Susanna had choroid plexus cysts, nuchal thickening, a 2 vessel cord, clenched hands, and rockerbottom feet.

Our doctors have not mentioned these things in Carleigh! In fact, Carleigh showed us on every ultrasound that she CAN open and close her hands! Maybe I'm grasping at straws, who knows? Only time will tell. We look for signs every day. I told John that anything can be a sign, depending on how we look at it. We found a penny on the ground a couple weeks ago. It was "heads up". I picked it up to look at the date - 1999 - the year our baby will arrive. No big deal for most people, but to us, it's Carleigh's Lucky Penny.

We had also been looking for a pink hat for her to wear home from the hospital since she's due in November and our Novembers can be chilly. John and I searched and searched with no luck. It wasn't long till Mom came home with that pink hat that we had been looking so hard for. It was mixed in with all white hats, the only pink one in the whole store. Mom almost didn't buy it, but she said that something wouldn't let her leave the store without it. So now we have it, the whole "coming home" ensemble: a pink and white Peter Rabbit outfit, pink socks, soft pink and white tennis shoes, and finally, the pink hat. Now all we need is our very much loved Carleigh to wear it. She will be beautiful, I just know it!

Well, it's been three days... Three wonderful days. Each day has been an issue. Will she move? Is she ok? My beautiful Carleigh has made me very happy. She has been very active and has let me know that she's still holding on. She is still the most important member of "the team". Each day that I spend with my daughter blossoming in my tummy is more wonderful than the next. Each day gets me one day closer to finally meeting her, holding her, and whispering how much I love her.